Mary Muffin

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 07:54:05 GMT

we made rent, just barely. thanks to john's poker skills last night. now i just have to come up with money for the other bills i had to sacrafice to pay the rent. i have a lead on a 2nd job though so i hope i can get it. we really need it. john needs to get a job too. if he got a job, and then just kept playing cards the way he did last night, we'd be ok. but i cant get my hopes up... grrr

Tue, 09 May 2006 04:17:39 GMT

From this point on...
This journal will be friends only.
Unless something totally amazing
or funny
happens and I feel the need to share it
with everyone.

i haven't updated in a while...

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 06:50:29 GMT

so i'm kinda cheating and copying my journal entries from myspace... yeah i'm tired and lazy. stuff thats not included below but has been goin on is.... sean is now living on my couch. dustin kissed me last night. i have a date friday with nate and saturday is my bday party at the matador. yay!!! ok so now ... playing catch up by copying and pasting...

Saturday, February 11, 2006

my vacation....
Current mood: happy

so i've been home for the last week or so. i figure the easiest way to sum it all up is by listing. well actually i'm too lazy to type it all out.

awesome things about being home:
* quality time with dad
* hanging out with dan & joe
* getting a new cell phone
* sleeping in and not working!
* good food every night.
* wenatchee/leavenworth (sp?)
* my bday cake
* my bday horoscope saying that in the next year i will find wealth, true love, and happiness. well yeah if i win the lotto the boys will come a knockin. hahaha

not so awesome things:
* getting ditched by your "best friend" grrr
* getting only one acknowledgement of your bday (besides from family members)
* my bday horoscope saying that in the next year i will find wealth, true love, and happiness. umm... yeah i really dont think its gonna happen but eh who knows. and this led to
* having too much time to think about things
* missing rosie, becca & all those peeps, the matador, drinking every night (even though i probably shouldn't have been missing that)
* going someplace nice for your bday dinner and realizing the seafood you ordered is bad and you can't eat it.
* finding out the dart board is gone

so yeah... my trip was pretty much uneventful. finally hung out with dan after 2 years. saw joe of course and spent a lot of time with my dad. which was really nice. i wanted to kill keltie's gf. shes so stupid. well i guess maybe they are meant to be then. heh. wenatchee wasnt bad. my dads condo is adorable. i want it, just not in wenatchee. i almost died there, small towns depress me. i did however find the neatest thing in the newspaper. they list all the crimes that were reported. ALL of them... not that theres a lot but the fact that stuff listed was like.. house entered, $98 worth of calls made, no arrest... or... vehicle egged twice in one night, no arrest... or... ipod stolen from teen at high school... or... bathroom brawl in ladies room at saloon, woman bitten on arm. arrest made... it was so funny. i brought the page home to show some people. but yeah.... now i cant wait for our lil bday party on the 18th. sooo fun i tell ya. now its time to call becca so we can get dinner and then... go to the bar... its good to be home. really good.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

..........
Current mood: crushed

it happened again. i knew it was too good to be true. yep. i was stupid and thought oh maybe this was it... this is gonna be great... yeah but it wasn't going to turn out that way. why would it? obviously i'm about as worthless and disposable as they come.

back to alcoholism.

Currently listening:
Beyond the Sunset
By Hank Williams
Release date: By 27 February, 2001

Thursday, January 26, 2006

lots of...
Current mood: amused

purple eyeshadow can be fun every once in a while. such as today while i'm celebrating my new 'do. heh. one more day till reno!

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

its gone...
Current mood: creative

a good bit of my hair... i cut a lot off today. i think its cute. theres pics up. leave me comments or something. make me love it!

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

news....
Current mood: excited

well sorta news... i bought sheets today! they're yellow. i finally have sheets. it's only been a few months. i'm still hoping though that my dad pays attention to my bday wish list and gets me some really really nice sheets. these are just cheap jersey ones from target but i have sheets!!!

also... tomorrow... i'm cutting my hair off. all i do is wear it up in a bun and thats about it. so yeah... tomorrow... most of it will be gone. yay!

oooh and... 2 more days till reno. thank god. i cant work anymore. i swear people are just too stupid to have credit cards. i wish i could take them away. well sometimes i get to and thats the best part.

i think now since rosie is parading in front of me and headbutting me i should give her some lovin. she's the best kitty ever.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

its like two hangovers in one...
Current mood: hungry

i deserve this pain. after getting trashed friday night i was way too cheery and awake saturday. so then... saturday i decide to take an advance so becca and i can go drink. started out slow enough then we started hanging out with aden and all them. becca left and went over to eric's early and i stayed behind. sooner or later though we were all over at erics. i passed out not too long after being there. eh oh well. saw was playing in the background and it played about 4 times, causing me to wake up to some weird shit. we left erics about 11. apparently i can parallel park my car better drunk than sober. i came home and crashed until now but ooh i'm still hurtin. i didnt mean to sleep this long. i slept through my alarm again. i have so much crap to do. ugh. but i still have enough money left to do it again tonight since i don't have to be at work till 1030.

Friday, January 20, 2006

my horoscope...
Current mood: contemplative

... is a bunch of bull... today's said...

It's an excellent forecast for you, dear Aquarius! Although no specific events will occur, there is huge promise of freedom for the next seven months. In your chief occupation and in your love life, a fundamental shift is about to occur. As the months unfold, you can expect to be more visionary, more creative, and perhaps more rebellious. This time, you'll be much more effective than in the past two or three years.

me effective..... hahahaha thats just funny. oh yeah and if any one reads this... i found my phone call me... i need something to do tonight. otherwise i'll just end up at the matador again.

tis all better

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:45:23 GMT

i talked with the boy. everything seems to be working out. he may be a bit crazy (literally) but we all have our issues. hopefully everything will be beautiful.

a habit that needs breaking

Mon, 16 Jan 2006 03:20:18 GMT

so i invited a boy to my work's winter party. we're friends. i planned for us to go as friends. it was rather short notice. i think i asked him on tuesday. he said yes he wanted to go and to call him with details on saturday. so i told him to meet me at a certain time at my apt and we would go from there. i did forewarn him that it probably wouldn't be too exciting but that i had to make an appearance and we could leave early and go do something else. so he then texts me less than 10 mins before we're supposed to meet to tell me he's going to be late because he has to go bail his roommate out of jail in vancouver. i tell him thats fine and if he wants he doesn't have to go, we can just meet up later. he replies with no i want to go i'll text you when i get there. he never texted. around 9pm, about 2 hours after we were supposed to meet, i text to him ask if he's still coming. he says hes still in the couve but he'll try to get there as fast as he can. an hour later i leave the party. i text him to tell him i'm leaving & that if he wants to meet up later to get a hold of me. i haven't heard from him since. this morning i sent him a message on myspace. i told him i wasn't really mad, more disappointed and that all he had to do was tell me he wasn't going to make it, not keep me waiting. i thought he was a better person than this. if something happened or he didn't want to go all he would have had to do was tell me... sorry i cant make it... not only did i have to pay for his ticket but i had other friends who did want to go. am i wrong to be hurt by this? is it wrong to at least expect some type of apology? friends don't do this to one another. we haven't been friends for long but that shouldn't be an excuse. he did read my myspace message but he didn't even respond to that. i just don't understand it.

Sat, 07 Jan 2006 11:52:39 GMT

i saw someone tonight. i miss him. i miss us. i so badly want to fall in love again. i forgot how wonderful it can feel.

blah

Sat, 07 Jan 2006 03:29:01 GMT

so i'm supposed to be working right now, however i've been up for less than an hour. i was also supposed to be going to visit steve today and i slept through that as well. i'm either depressed or really run down. maybe both. but i dont feel sad. hm.. i dunno. i called in again today. i am definately going back on saturday though. i guess this is all a sign that i need a new job. now for breakfast or dinner... well whatever i'm just starving.

yeah definately refocusing

Fri, 06 Jan 2006 04:02:59 GMT

after last night... i'm definately refocusing my life and i think that will start with moving home from portland in april. i love portland and some of the people i've met so i'll be back to visit i'm sure but i can't live here anymore. too much bs. the people aren't as real.

today was a yucky day.

Wed, 04 Jan 2006 07:44:35 GMT

so i walk out at 6am this morning to find my car towed. well of course at 6am i'm not thinking too clearly and i start freaking out thinking it might have been stolen. as of right now i don't have insurance on it for that so that would really suck. then i called to see if it had been towed because they have to report it and it was. well i had to call into work since i had no way to get there and the nice lil message on the tow company's answering machine said they'd open at 8am. i even tried waking becca up to take me to work but that didn't happen. so i decide to come back and go to bed. i woke at like 2. talk about one hell of a nap! finally i go to get my car out in bumfuck portland. the tow place looked shady as hell so i made becca wait till i made sure i was gonna make it out of there alive. 197.00 later i finally had my car back. drove home and bought becca chicken strips as a thank you to taking me out there.

the end of the day was a bit better. i walked down to powells and bought some new nancy drews. well 9 of them to be exact, but i bought all used copys so they were like 3.00 each. i'm well on my way to having my full collection back. yay! now i need a 2nd bookcase. i'll have to work on that. i then talked to my dad and he's coming to visit me on thursday! yay! we're going to go see rebecca's paintings at a gallery opening. that'll be fun. i should be going to bed but i'm not tired yet. it sucks because i have to work at 630am.

sid texted me to hang out but i figured tomorrow night would be better since i can sleep in a bit on thursday. i'm thinking about maybe moving home in march but i dont know where i'd live or work and those are kinda big issues. maybe if i could find a roommate or something it'd be a start. i definately want to go back to school so maybe i can find a part time job and get some help from my dad and do all that. who knows. portland is kinda wearing me down. i think i need to refocus my life.

My Birthday!

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 05:42:28 GMT

So my birthday is in a lil over a month. From Feb 3rd to the 12th I'll be home in Tacoma if everything goes according to plan. Someone... should come visit me there since you hate Portland for some reason. And the following is a list of things I need or want for my bday... just so there is no confusion. I'm honestly sick of getting bathsets. I got 4 for Xmas so please... NO FREAKIN BATH STUFF! I don't need anymore loofah. thankyouverymuch.

Mary's Bday List

1. A really nice spa length bathrobe.
2. New sheets, queen size, fitted sheet only, neutral colors
3. New bath mats, bright yellow. 2 of them. Target
4. Money towards debts.
5. Non stick griddle like the one I used to have.
6. New electric toothbrush, preferably the one at costco OralB something.
7. New pillows, firm or down. At least 4 of them.
8. Nancy Drew Books #s 17 - 26, 36, 38 - 48, 61
9. New wallet
10. Some Miso Pretty perfume
11. Someone to install my cd player for my car.
12. Golden Girls or Law & Order on dvd

Year In Review

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 05:36:05 GMT

Go to your Calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2005. Post the first line of it in your journal, and that's your "Year In Review".

January * THIS IS WRONG IN SO MANY WAYS!!!
February * alright... whatever... the important thing... TODAY IS MY BDAY!
March * came home last night around 6
April * next weekend i get to go to seattle
May * rosie got a bath...and so did my bathroom floor.
June * yeah i've been slacking on updating
July * eddie went with me and i got new furniture
August * i should be cleaning my apt but its way too hot.
September * i am no longer socializing with people from work.
October * No entries because i moved and had no internet
November * i movedd downtown
December * i've officially finished my holiday shopping,

updates....

Thu, 29 Dec 2005 20:55:20 GMT

i havent updated this journal in a while... however i did update myspace so i'm just copying and pasting the entries... i'll still be using this journal but mostly when i want to write something i dont want someone on myspace to see. but yeah... i'll try to keep everything evenly updated as well. now i must walk to whole foods and get some honey mustard, then clean my apt all before i have to work at 7. now you might be thinking... that shouldn't be so hard... but trust me my apt is trashed. thats what happens when yer not home for days at a time. oh yeah... i'll be in seattle for new years! yay!

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

good news!
Current mood: silly

i not only lost weight over the holidays but i haven't eaten fast food in almost 2 weeks and i don't even miss it. i even have more money. also... i look super today thanks to new khakis & a white tank top. oh yeah... i've got it goin on. heh. oh yeah did i mention i'm working on my modesty. ha!now i have go deliver becca's 288 jelly bracelets. i also think i'm going home for new years. anybody from home that wants to hang out lemme know... i don't have specific plans yet and i need somewhere to stay since my parent's are gonna be gone & my step bro trashed the house the last time so they don't trust anyone to stay there. and i don't blame them with that new hot tub they put in. i'd probably have a small get together. heh.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

because it needs to be said...
Current mood: beautiful

to a certain someone...

i hate you for making me care about you. i hate you for lying to me. i hate you for giving me false hope. i hate you for taking care of me when i was sick. i hate you for coming to visit me. i hate you for making me feel beautiful & loved. i hate you for making me miss you. i hate you. i hate you. i hate you. i hate that i still miss you. i hate that i still care for you. i hate that i miss our talks about how it would be if you moved here. i hate that i want to break down & talk to you. i hate the way you've made me feel. but most of all i hate the fact that i am moving on.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

xmas is coming
Current mood: excited

and i've officially finished my holiday shopping, except for a few joke gifts and the secret santa thing at work. i maxed out the last of my credit cards... well not totally but almost. however my dad and everyone else will be having the best xmas ever. i cant wait to see my dads face when he opens his new 19" lcd tv from dell, or keltie with his mp3 player. even my stepgrandma is getting some nice pearls and marilyn will get some really nice turquoise jewelry (which i plan to borrow.. heh.) even becca is getting one hell of a gift! i just felt the need to show my love this year and thanks to credit i get to. for once people are getting things they deserve. i still even have my dads great bday present to give him as well so xmas is gonna be a blast for him. my dad is the best! i'll just pay it off when i get my tax money back next year. hopefully he loves it. well thats silly of course he will. now next on my list of things to do is get the xmas tree out of my car and put up. that will happen thursday for sure. and some other stuff. i finally got a phone line at my house. its just for dial up so i dont have to walk down to the cafe to use internet every night. thats exciting. i've missed bryan. today at work was fun actually. i got to decorate all our group's cubes with xmas stuff & set up the secret santa and holiday potluck. i'm totally in the xmas spirit. i'm also gonna see if i can find someone to go through some holiday light thing i heard about where you can do it in a horse drawn carriage. corny sounding to some i'm sure but yeah i cant wait. i love that kinda stuff at xmas. and i LOVE xmas lights. anyways.... its almost 1230 i should be in bed. time to leave cafe and go home

Sunday, November 27, 2005

so i've learned...
Current mood: cranky

you have to be a whore to get guys. guys dont want a girl who will cook for them, take care of em, do little things that matter... they just want girls that put out. its like they'd rather collect diseases than find someone worthwhile. i guess that means i'm destined to stay alone. unless i become a whore. there's always that possibility. now according to one of my friends its just portland where all the guys are either gay or hippies. heh. maybe he's right. i dunno... i don't seem to have a problem meeting guys. i just dont sleep with them right away and that seems to make them lose interest. but wouldn't they lose interest right after they slept with me as well? maybe i dont want a boyfriend so i put out signals subconciously. i dont know how well i'd handle a guy around regularly. i'd probably get bored with him. ok and they need to fix the skipping cd in the coffee shop. its kinda annoying... ok really annoying... there we go much better... ok nevermind its skipping again. dude... i know the guy working loves this cd but if it's skipping put on a different one. this dumb girl that becca and i both don't like just asked if its supposed to do that. heh. she's entertaining sometimes. i think its time for me to start drinking. i didnt even get out of bed until my dad called at 3 today. i think part of it is because my apt is on the back of my building even with the blinds up it stays dark in there. i need to get one of those alarm clocks that turns on a light. *xmas gift hint*. heh. ok... over to the bar i go. mmm beer. maybe that will cheer me up. i'm not really depressed though. just blah. and a bit cranky. i should probably eat something before i go. oooh grilled cheese sounds good.... ooh or maybe a salad with communism in a bottle on it... i mean honey mustard. heh.

Friday, November 25, 2005

i don't know...
Current mood: confused

then again i never know. i'm so sick of so much. yet so much is great. its like this whole weird lil web i've woven. ugh. i don't know i really don't. i just watched some guy puke in the coffee shop and the poor cute coffee boy had to clean it up. he has a beard. i shouldn't be looking at boys... i like a boy... but i feel it will go nowhere. its my own fault. i knew from the start it wouldn't but for me i still would rather have the few weeks or days of fun than never experiencing it at all. eh i don't know. i sound like a broken record... i don't know... over and over and over and over and over and over again. help me. someone help me. what i really want is someone to cuddle with all day on sunday in bed listening to ryan adams and whatever else is on my computer and doing absolutely nothing at all. but will i get that... probably not woe is me. eh not really. i guess this is just one of those... oh pity me nights... but yeah. i really just want a certain someone to come over and make it all better. and he could but he wont. and he probably shouldn't. i should be in bed because i have to work at 630 tomorrow. ewww. oh well.

copied from christine because i'm too lazy to do a real entry

Thu, 08 Dec 2005 07:36:19 GMT

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In January I put money in burnoutbob4's expired parking meter (14 points). In August broken_social and I donated clothes to the needy (11 points). Last Thursday I didn't flush (-1 points). In February I helped irrevolution see the light (8 points). In November I got in line at the supermarket at the same time as someone else and I didn't yield (-8 points).

Overall, I've been nice (24 points). For Christmas I deserve a pony!

Sincerely,
havokgrl

hello there....

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 04:08:11 GMT

i moved downtown. i love it. i no longer have my own internet... thats why no updates or anything for quite some time. i do live right above a coffee shop w/free wifi and thats where i am now. its taken me some time to get down here. i was busy working 13 hour days 6 days a week for the past month and hanging out with a boy. well now work has slowed down along with my "love" life so here i sit. their white chocolate mochas are quite good. living downtown is amazing. i can walk to 3 different bars and a coffee shop without going across the street. i live next to a grocery store. and within walking distance to powells, buffalo exchange, whole foods, & pretty much everything downtown. it only took me 10 mins to walk down to the roseland for the gwar show. which was one hell of a show last sunday. THANK YOU JESSE!!!! i came out green and red all over. heh. you cant go to a gwar show and walk out clean. that'd be horrible. i'd have to say my drinking increased a bit, but i guess that comes with living above a bar. heh. i shall be heading home for two days tomorrow. i'll also be home for thanksgiving, xmas weekend, & new years. anyways... i know its been forever but i didnt really have much to update. hopefully now that i'm not working so much i can have some really neat adventures downtown. i will be going to reno at the end january and i think i'll be in colorado for my bday. i still havent decided for sure what i'm doing the week of my birthday in feb but i have the whole week off! anyways... this is all for now.

new apartment!

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 04:33:14 GMT

went and saw my apartment today. oooh its nice. small but cozy. i'm gonna have to give up some stuff but that's going to make it easier to move. i'm honestly just going to throw away everything i dont need. which is about half of my stuff. and thanks to becca's good idea, i figured out how to set up my living room. i cant wait to move this weekend! hopefully i can get most stuff out. i've thrown all my clean clothes in my hamper. i figure why hang them if i'm just gonna take them down on sunday anyways. i plan on moving some stuff saturday. i dont think i'm gonna go out for nichole's bday because of that. i'll still get her a card or something. i think i'm finally gonna go pawn those rings as well. i need the money. sooo broke. on a good note... found out my rent will be 495 a month! yay! with no cable bill and such i'll be doing well. now i just gotta cancel everything else which will be a headache in itself. oh yeah and since i hate packing i'm not really gonna pack all that much. heh. i'm just gonna slowly move my stuff over. i figure if i'm paying rent at both apts this month i'll be using both apts. i am sad i wont have my bed anymore. it wont fit in my new room. ooh i cant wait to move. i'm so excited!

because i was bored...

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 06:52:40 GMT

ok so one more thing...

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 05:44:18 GMT

so i've come to the conclusion that even the "nice" boys are SCUM. yes SCUM. if i wasn't so sick and tired i'm sure i could come up with something better... but as for now... SCUM it is.

insanity!!!

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 05:27:09 GMT

so dont expect much from me in the next month, not that there was a whole lot to begin with. i am broke... moving... and sick. i got the apt downtown. yay! its right above the bar. yay! but not so yay for my liver or my beer gut. heh. guess i'll be walking more. i can walk to whole foods and get mongolian tofu or those yummy chocolate healthy things amberly got me on. but yeah i'm also working 12 hour days 3 days a week and working overtime on 2 of my 3 days off so yeah... trying not to be so broke will probably drive me insane but eh. after i move and its all done i'm sure things will be better. if you live in portland and want to make extra cash or get beer, lemme know. i'll need help moving.

oh yeah geoff was here the past few days... miss him already but i'll get over it. heh. we had tons of fun though. would have been a lot better if i hadn't gotten sick. i also owe conan and erich a key lime pie. i'll have to get to work on that.

ok... i'm sick and feel like shit. been up since 6. going to bed.

grrrrrrr

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 17:32:19 GMT

i hate getting up before 9. i hate doctors. i hate shots. (yeah yeah i know w/tattoos and piercings how odd). now try combining all of those at the same time and see how happy mary is. to top it off i only got about 4 hours of sleep, if that. oh and did i mention the maintence men are weedwacking so its not like i'll get to go to back to bed. if this day doesn't improve, i pity all those who will feel my wrath.

Halloween is approaching...

Wed, 14 Sep 2005 03:52:04 GMT

and I need help deciding on my costume. I've narrowed it down to the following 3. Input would be greatly appreciated!

First we have from the Unhappily Every After series... Helle's Belle...

Second we have Lilly Munster...

and Third we have a ghastly ghoul...

So help me! I'd love to get all three and then I'd have the next 3 Halloween's set but unfortunately I can't afford that... I LOVE Halloween though and can't wait to dress up!

no more stupid crap

Tue, 13 Sep 2005 00:53:54 GMT

i am no longer socializing with people from work. i really don't need that crap in my life. if i wanted immature gossip type stuff i'd hang out with high schoolers. maybe when everyone decides they can grow up just a bit i'll change my mind. and no this does not apply to EVERYONE i work with, but most. there's a few exceptions. i do strongly feel that what happens in MY life is MY business and NO ONE elses. if i had wanted you to know what was going on i would have informed you myself.

on a second note... why do i always have to fall for boys who have no interest in me? i've been told that "that's how it always is" but no one else around me seems to have that problem.

but yeah... anyways on to happy stuff... amberly visited today! i love her! and she's coming down for her space holiday in two weeks as well. i'm excited. hopefully nicole will come too. if they both come all i have to say is... poor geoff. haha. amberly and i went to lunch at olive garden then to target. first off we should NEVER shop together. i bought a new purse and wallet. both of which i actually needed since my favorite purse broke and i had to throw it away. the zipper on my wallet broke as well. and the purse was on clearance. (rationalizing, something i'm very good at) i also got the third season of sex and the city. so yeah... now i'm gonna go watch that and hope that i find something to do tonight that doesnt involve going the matador but i doubt that.

Ryan Adams - "Note to Self: Don't Die"

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 16:40:28 GMT

I'm as blue
I'm as blue as the ocean is true, it's just refelctions of the sky
I'm as cold
I'm as cold as the stories you told but never sick enough to die

Note to self: don't change for anyone
Note to self: don't die
Note to self: don't change for anyone
Don't change, just lie

I'm as sick
I'm as crass as the things in your past, you wished that you could let them go
Caged birds
Caged animals starving for class
In your house when you're alone

Note to self: don't change for anyone
Note to self: don't die
Note to self: don't change for anyone
Don't change, just lie

Who do you call when you're alone
Nobody, baby
Who do you want to be, figure out and just let me know
Don't change, don't change, don't change
Just let me go
Just let me go
Just let me go

.....................................................

i dont really think i have much else to say today.

blah blah blah

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 21:52:48 GMT

so all i've been doing is hanging out at the matador. i've decided that last night was the last night for a while. i need a break. i need to pay more attention to work, sleep, taking care of myself... those type of things.

all in all the past couple days have been interesting. hung out with shaun yesterday. went to the sandy river. that was super fun. i like it there. i'm gonna have to go back before this weather turns crappy. (and as i type this the sun disappears ugh). then last night was kinda not fun. i'm getting better at darts. still havent won a game since i beat donnie, but i came close the other night. then i lost horrible last night. it just wasnt a fun night at the bar. i tried to leave but shaun threw a bit of a weird temper tantrum (even though he'd never admit it and thats why this lil comment will be edited out from the myspace version just in case he reads it. his temper is a bit scary. lots of built up aggression and anger.) he's a cool dude though from baltimore. its kinda funny... he dated a girl in seattle when he was still living out there, so we had some similar experiences and such. just switched around. i ended up with a fat lip as a reminder of last night. not going to go into details but its not that bad. not like my lip needs to be any more swollen. we hung out at beccas after the bar closed with eric and conan. eric threw his cig down on someone. that was when that lil bit of the party ended and we all went our seperate ways. pretty much thats all my days have consisted of.

so now i'm going to try to focus on other things. such as on thursday i spent 3 hours at powells (and 100.00) on all types of books. i got something on the rwandan genocide, mrs. pigglewiggle, nancy drew, the history of murder (as suggested by donnie), and a book on the history of the burka. should make for a month of interesting reading.

also i think i'm going to try to find a new job. i'm just sick of my job. i want something that isn't as stressful or demanding. i want a bs job. i'm gonna look around downtown in the next few weeks and see if i can find anything. after all i'm moving down there in october. its gonna be so fun. plus if i sell my car, i wouldn't really have to buy a new one if i worked and lived downtown. i'd just buy a bike and make my dad come visit me.

anyways... its about time i start doing things that have to be done. i get to go to pier one and pick up new incense! and then grocery shopping. i think all i have in my fridge is beer. and i dont need that. i've started to get a bit of a beer belly. if i could just find a guy that appreciates it. haha.

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 03:44:12 GMT

i know its not true... but i cant help to feel worthless.

Sun, 21 Aug 2005 21:58:29 GMT

i want one person that after nights like last night i can call them up and i dont have to spend the night alone.

i want one person that i can just go walks with for hours and talk about everything and feel that conversation has made everything better. even if its only for the day.

last night i told becca i might give it another 6 months here. then i realized i dont have true friends here. all i have are beer drinking aquaintences. which is not what i need or what i truly want.